Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
