I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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