so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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