After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
