So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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