I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
