Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
