and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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