I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
