I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
