Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
