I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Swine flu is the new snow day.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So vagazzling was a success
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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