Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
