Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
