you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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