so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Houston, we have a blender
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
