If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sobbing to NWA
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
