highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
