I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
