I'm really into asian looking animals
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
