i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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