i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
