I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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