At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
