shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
