There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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