so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
