i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
