Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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