The maid of honor just puked.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
