Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
