i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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