I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
