my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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