Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
