yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so let's talk penis.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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