apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
