I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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