youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
