take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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