You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
