My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
