So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
