hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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