tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
