you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
