Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
