How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
