I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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