I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
