peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
