I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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